♥ Date: Wednesday, May 10, 2006 
i feel so shitty. im so beginning to feel e stress coming up all over my body. as if they were about to eat mi up. not getting enough sleep is e worst of e worst thing tt can happen to mi. and oso e ever so high possibility tt i lose any of my worksheets. be it assignments or tutorials. and tt ytd i ransacked my whole room searching for my gases assignment which were supposed to be dued today. im frustrated enough and still hafta waste so much time on searching for jus an A4 size paper. but to no avail. i feel so much like shouting. shout my lungs out and all my intestines.
today is the first time i got home so early. since like e starting of school after orientation. was suppose to have training. but it was cancelled last min. and election for exco was postponed to next wed too. was feeling so lethargic. everything jus seem to clash all together. and people putting up a facade. this sucks. totally.
its jus part and parcel of life. everyone had to go through it. im starting to lose my sense of direction. i dunno where im heading to. i forgot my goals. my ambitions. all i noe now is tt. i wake up. wash up. go to school. study. go for cca training. come back home. do tutorials. sleep. and e whole cycle begins again. tts wat ive been doin since i stepped into e 'world' of education. and now. i study for e sake of studying. for e sake of scoring good results for my tests and exams. dere is no more drive in mi. im getting so sick and tired of this entire 1/4 of my lifetime. i could haf jolly well spent the time doing things that i wanted to do so much that now i dun even haf the time to do it. thats so disappointing. because this is MY life and i cant do anything to make MY life a better one.
i noe tt i haf a very high possibility that i will get retained this year. but thats not wat i wanted. and tts not wat everyone wanted. but looking at the state im in now. i guess i wun haf much energy to recharge myself and go all out for it. be it mid-year or promos. i noe where i stand. i noe my limits. but i dun understand mi. myself. i dunno who i am. tts a bit of an irony. but tts wat i exactly feel now.
maybe its jus dark clouds that happen to drift past. and it will clear away soon. i hope.
   
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