♥ Date: Sunday, September 03, 2006
i seem to have gotten the answer. i dunno whether i should assume it or wat. because jus at e most crucial point of time, i saw those. i read them. and i concluded. somehow, maybe im wrong. or im jus so blinded. but i jus couldnt help it. my mind will jus helplessly think tt way. i dunno wat the hell is going on and i freaking wan to noe wat is happening. i could haf jolly well trust u but im selfish. im ridiculously selfish. because i dun wan to be e only one getting hurt in e end all e time. ive enough of all e pain. im jus trying my best to protect myself.
i suddenly feel tt i dun noe who u are. im confused by ur words. i dunno which sentence u've said is true and which is false. i wanted so badly to be a pyschologist because i hope tt that will allow myself to noe whether one is speaking e truth or not. or am i too sensitive? maybe tt wasnt wat ive been thinking all these while. but everything seems to haf spoken for themselves. every single word. every single sentence make mi ponder jus who am i now. a fren? or am i only a subsitute?
i realised tt im jus some fool who have been deceived so many times and wun learn e mistake. why wun i jus look forward to e future and stop looking back? why would i still bother to make things difficult for myself? i have enough choices. in fact i have a lot. but why would i wan to stick to tt only decision? ive always tell people tt in life, we must learn how to give and take. i always tot ive did tt. but only to realise tt ive not. tts probably e answer to all my questions. maybe i shouldnt hold on to tt much hope because i might fall. so hard tt even time wun heal.
i think after this entry. i would probably not gif a damn to relationship. i dunno why but i will jus repeatedly go thru all e words again and again. i dun deny tt it doesnt affect mi. but everything tt u haf said. jus doesnt tally anymore. maybe to u it might seem normal. but to mi, it actually means a lot and seriously. im once again hurt.
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