♥ Date: Monday, December 01, 2008
hectic week for me. maybe one day i should really jus chop off my legs and stop running ard so tt i can be a guai kia, staying at home to mug and spend more time with my parents. im glad ive survived today even though i really wanted to kill myself before i step into the examination room. the result of underestimating the time tt i have.
its getting from bad to worse and to bad at e moment. i had smth in mind alr and im surprised by how i can accept this situation. it seems like e sky is gonna fall any moment but im still taking it easy. amazing isnt it. i guess its really true that as one grows older, one gets more open-minded. taking things at his/her own stride.
been thinking alot lately. i would have rather both be happy, even if it would have mean an internal emotional toil in everyone. it hurts to hear the word hate, to hear how the dislikes come about. nonetheless, i still hope that the recent communication with each other would have release some tension and knock some sense into any of us.
it has always been going on. jus tt we chose to ignore it and tot tt it will never ever become something so serious. but it turned out to be so, though. when everything accumulates, jus one small trigger will cause a big mess out of it. stupid and senseless. its all inside one's temper and how one handles the situation. everyone's at fault. i dun deny mine too. but i guess e most important thing is still communication afterall. bearing with it will make things worse. but not considering other people's feelings doesnt help much either. it could have been how we react to certain things in life that cause such a big issue. and when both had e mindset that both are 'that' kind of pattern, it remains, forever. until one day, when finally, both decided to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk, may the misunderstandings or wat-so-ever be resolved. but i doubt so. its gonna be e last time, maybe not for sure, but 90%.
isit that as time passes by, disapproval comes along and destroy that little love that is left between two person? so much so that every little thing will lead to a whole lot of arguments and putting down of each other. it sucks but the hack-care attitude makes it unbearable. i see the agony in e eyes and feel the pain that both are going through. ive reflected, ive commented, ive done watever tt i could have done. but its still not up for me to decide.
its always amazing to see how two ppl meet, fell in love at first sight, and decide to be with each other for e rest of their lifes. i always admire those loving old couples, still holding hands to support each other when walking or getting up/down the stairs. i ponder over wat's the thing tt makes their relationship so strong even when their hair turns grey. wanting to grow old together with each other? or to fufil the marriage vows tt they had taken decades ago? profound and i couldnt fathom.
irregardless, i hoped for e best outcome and i will welcome any form of talks anytime. even if i would have sacrificed my studying like yesterday, im willing to listen(:
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